THIS Fat Lady Ain’t singing!

Nope-it ain’t over, cause I ain’t singing! No matter how much the devil wants me to! I will eat healthier just to defy him, and show him he is NOT welcome here! What brought on this you ask? A nice little trip to my local ER today.

I found out the fastest way to get through the Gatekeeper at the ER is to let them know you’re having left chest and arm pain, and then they take your pulse and it’s double what it should be. I was through those doors faster than a junkie on a needle!! Andy barely even made it back from the parking lot-and he rode the shuttle!! So-four hours, 4 baby asprin, 1 EKG, numerous tubes of my pretty red blood, 1 chest x-ray, 1 inch of sticky nitro glycerine paste and oh yeah-and some fresh O2 later-they sent me home with instructions to see the nice heart Dr. next week. Seems nothing dramatic was happening today-although last night I was sure someone was playing Pinball Wizard on my chest-so they sent me home. But due to the fact that all of my mom’s siblings (including my Mom), except for one has had their chest invaded at least one or more times-I will have a stress test next week, and then wear an “Event Monitor” for one month. Goody-so they get to monitor lots of my events-sleeping, peeing, working, paying bills, making dinner, just doing normal everyday things-and GOING TO THE BEACH!!! That’s right folks-I have to wear this crazy thing to the beach. But the good ole’ Doc (and he sure is nice-one of our fellow high school alumni) says that just 24 hours of wearing it isn’t enough. And of course-I am to make lifestyle changes. Don’t you worry buddy-nothing like having your mortality shoved down your throat to make you want to change things! So I am putting my husband on notice-we are about to morph into FISH! We are gonna get our monies worth out of that new shiny gym membership we just signed up for! Cause after my nice swim and jacuzzi-I can’t wait to get into the sauna!!!! This could actually be a good thing!

I did get to give my nurse, Beth, a hard time though-and I have always wanted to say this-she asked me if I smoked-and my smartass reply was “Only when I’m on fire.” She laughed! She was great-they were all wonderful-but I don’t really care to see them again, or foster a close, loving hospital relationship!

And I truly think they took some of my brain out with my blood. As I stopped on my way home at Wally World to return some cleaning products. I took them in to the customer service lady ( who I had to say “HELLO!!!” to while I was trying to talk to her-STUPID!!), left the stuff there-and was going back to get a new, un-leaking box. But then-I realized I had left my receipt in the car-so I went out and got it-came back in-walked back to the cleaning aisle-got my junk. But somehow on the way back up front-I actually forgot where I was going-and saw all this shiny neat stuff I needed. Only when I was in the bananas (Not that I WAS Bananas!)-I remembered-Oh crap! I was supposed to go exchange this. But never to worry-she still acted like she didn’t know me when I got back. I had to remind her what I returned! All good-they lured me into buying all kinds of healthy stuff on the way back up to the front!

We did see (and smell) all kinds of interesting people back through those hallowed ER halls! Ugh-I would NOT want to work in their housekeeping department! So-no HEART-ATTACK for now-Thank you GOD!!! I’ve learned my lesson-and will play nice from now on. Thank you for my wake-up call-I’ve got it! Loud and clear! Oh-and for those of you who know my Mom-and speak to her-NOT A WORD OF THIS to her! I will hunt you down with a dirty needle!!!

Happy Friday Night~


~ by Rhonda on March 13, 2009.

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