changes….

she mumbles now…nothing I can quite understand from her downstairs apartment.  every meal eaten out she leaves with a take out box, because her appetite just isn’t what it used to be.  the medicine she has taken for years without having to be reminded, now sometimes sits until i remind her to take it.  i take her to the grocery store, and worry about letting her go in alone, if only just for a few items.  it’s important for her to do what she can on her own, i know that.  but how long do i wait before i go in after her?  the dog, the one my dad brought home and she said she would never take care of-she inherited it when my dad died.  now that dog is her company, but sometimes causes her anxiety too. does the dog need to go out? does the dog need to come in? is the dog bothering anyone?  she worries about the home she lived and loved in for so many years.  no human inhabitants now, just memories live there.  i know she misses it, and longs to have the comfort she knew there.   something new every week that she can’t remember how to do. she’s been crocheting as long as i can remember-now she can’t remember how to do it.  last week she was doing it fine-but now she “messes things up; leaves big holes” she says.  she’s much more emotional than she used to be; quicker to anger or shed a tear.  she moves about with a different gait; sometimes not seeming sure about her surroundings.  does she have the capacity to lie to me about taking her meds, to try and cover up that she forgot; or is each instance one of truly just forgetting?  it’s hard to know. so many changes have come, and so many more are to be. will she be me in 30 more years? sooner, or later?  she is my mom; my friend, my protector, and now my responsibility.  God give me the wisdom and strength to take care of her properly and with tender loving care.

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~ by Rhonda on July 31, 2009.

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